Okay this is for all you techie guys and girls out there. We all download crap from the internet, we all save things that at one time or another seemed super important. The reality of it is that in most cases those things that held value for us end up being totally useless and simply a waste of space. Even when we decide to get rid of them we simply just put them into the recycling bin, fooling ourselves into believing its now gone forever, but it isn't. It stays there in a limbo still affecting the performance of your computer, still bogging you down due to the extra space it's taking up then could better be afforded to new things. Anyone getting the metaphor yet? Good! Life is going to make you think there are so many moments, memories, and events worth saving, worth downloading into a permanent part of your memory. The reality is that as time moves on and life continues to take you down it's path these things that at one point in time seemed so important become nothing more than items that are slowing you down. You might go ahead and decide to delete them from your mind, choose to make the effort to delete them or forget about them. The truth is...that's simply not possible. You may forget, you may forgive, but that memory is etched into your mind. Until you address it completely it will bog you down, hold you back, and dictate your life moving forward. These are real problems. I wish I could tell you I know the answer to this conundrum... I don't. I'm sorry. This is what I do know, 90% of my own arguments are based solely on a reaction to someone or something someone said. So instead of reacting I take a breath, I step outside myself and evaluate what is occurring. Not all the time. I'm sure there are and will continue to be moments where I make a total fool of myself. Where i expose my true ability to be the guy who doesn't have a filter inside his brain. I'm okay with that, because I'm still me. Remember you can never permanently delete the memories, moments, or events that occurred in your past. If you continue to allow them to effect your decisions in the present and the future you will learn very quickly you have not completely moved past them. Ever had one of those days where you just wish you could disappear? When everything seems like it's just too much; the kids, your work, the house, your finances, school work, your friends, and all your other activities just seem to compound on top of you until you feel like your head will literally explode... I had one of those days yesterday, well actually it was a compilation of the last two days. I had parking tickets, and daycare expenses, my youngest son broke my brand new phone when I turned my head just for a second. The dog is sick and possibly dying, my oldest seems to find every reason to not listen to any of the rules. I have to finish school work for myself, teach him his homeschooling courses, and still find time to write and spend time with my girlfriend, and my other son. Plus an endless amount of housework and repairs. Ont top of that I have my ex-mother-in-law coming at me about lying to her about god-only-knows-what. My ex-wife has paid about 1% of what she owes me in child support, the courts lost my paperwork that I had filed, and it all hit me like a ton of bricks...too much all at once. I broke down... I lost it... Category 10 meltdown. I'm not a wimpy guy, but I wept. It only lasted about 30 seconds before I groin-punched myself back into manhood. I'm a man and we don't cry, unless we laugh too hard. It occurred to me that I have not had a break, not been able to just self-reflect. I have denied myself the basic need of loneliness in order to digest my own stress level. My plate will never be empty, I know this. However, with all the responsibilities I have staring me down its just a matter of time before greatness emerges. Right? So I stepped away mentally for a moment, just left my own head. Walked away into the nothingness that so embodies the need to let all my problems just get sucked away. Even if it is for just a minute, sometimes that's all you need. The black hole state of mind, where everything enters and nothing leaves. Where problems dissolve into empty thoughts and you find yourself staring at a television screen, that is broadcasting some mentally numbing garbage about some ass-clown in Nebraska who just cashed in his retirement for a doomsday bunker. Fuck it! I don't care what's on TV, I just need the white background noise of this fucktard explaining why selling his motorcycle for a small arsenal of weapons that frankly, his inept and obese body couldn't possibly wield with any sort of effectiveness what-so-ever. It was then it occurred to me I hadn't thought about my problems for almost 3 hours. It was amazing, but of course the second I realized this my brain turned right back on. The point of all this is that sometimes we need those moments. Moments we can run away from ourselves, moments where our lives seem simpler. I love my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but every now and then it's nice to longer think about it. We all have problems, we all have stress, but having the ability to mentally and emotionally separate yourself from it, is truly a necessary part of life. Figure out how, we all have our ways. Mine, a large pepperoni pizza, an ice cold coke, and doomsday preppers on Netflix. Why doomsday preppers? Simply because it's nice to know that no matter how bad things seem, there is and always will be someone so incredibly less intelligent than yourself. Oh and if you're a prepper...than quite simply you should know, I spend my most stressful moments laughing my ass off at how incredibly dumb and ignorant you sound when you try to reason your idiotic notions of the Apocalypse. I apologize in advance if I stir the pot too much or piss anyone off with this one. No one in this life is going to appreciate being your best second option, and if they are there is something genuinely wrong with them. The reality in this life may suck at times, life may consistently screw you over. If you devalue yourself or others in your life then the fact is be prepared for the worst case scenario moving forward. Why would second best ever be good enough? Quite simply it wouldn't and the notion that anyone is okay existing in that slim grey area is ridiculous not only in principle but in execution as well. Here's the biggest reason why. While they temporarily may think they are okay with that option, the fact is they will deeply and sometimes secretly want to be considerably more then that. Oh and there will be a million bullshit reasons why you will convince yourself or they will try to convince themselves on why the current situation is okay. Lucky for you I've provided a breakdown of each one that I know of. 1. I'm not ready for a relationship. This is normally the person that has either bounced from relationship to relationship, or they just got out of a long-term relationship. Let me assure you this excuse is fundamentally flawed and here's why. Being friends is a relationship, having sex with someone you plan on talking to again is a relationship, being friends with benefits is a relationship. So guess what you/they are in a goddamn relationship, just because the label of boyfriend/girlfriend isn't accepted doesn't mean a relationship doesn't exist. I understand the need for companionship but ultimately the determination of being okay with not being in the forefront of the other person's mind is nothing more then simply being used. 2. I just want to have fun. Slut. Slag. Whore. I got news for you gentlemen, these words apply to you as well. Everyone wants to have fun, but there is something truly and emotionally wrong with you if your idea of fun is being in second place. It's an integral part of our make-up, we desire to be the best. Anyone that doesn't want to be the best at whatever they are doing...is doing it wrong, or without any care or motivation. I just want to have fun too, but I value myself enough to know that decisions made now because of "fun" will ultimately end in me regretting them at some point further down the road. As I mentioned before mistakes are okay if you learn from them, but regrets will haunt you forever. 3. He/she says they love/care about me. Hey guess what? I love you. Does that really make you feel like I would drop everything for you? Do you think I would blow off my responsibilities, my kids, my work for you? No? Well you're right, I wouldn't. What people say and what people do are two different things, the faster you learn that the less likely you are to have your emotions become secondary to your tendency to be used by another human being. 4. He/she says they are leaving their husband/wife soon. This is one of my favorite excuses ever, if they ever truly intended to leave the other person...THEY WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY! Secondary only in nature not in principle is this, think about the type of human being you are working with here. They are so willing to completely disregard another person's feelings...not just any person either. This is their spouse we are talking about, someone they promised to be faithful and true to, for the rest of their lives. They are so inconsiderate of that person's feelings, what makes you think they won't do the same thing to you? 5. We have a lot of fun together. Great, if that's the only reason your hanging out with someone then stop having sex with them and see if the "fun" continues. In most cases it won't. Also how many other people are they having "fun" with? If we're being honest, men and women alike, this is fairly typical of this kind of unspoken agreement. Additionally how would they feel if you were having "fun" with other people? If they don't like that idea then it's time to reevaluate your non-relationship-relationship. 6. We're just friends. Friends don't fuck! Point blank! Guys, you are a total liar if you sit there and can tell yourself or another guy that you and her are just friends. In most cases you've thought about the idea of hooking-up or dating. Not all guys do this, I have a tone of female friends that I would never make a move on, I value other things they bring into my life; perspective, advice and support. All in all if we started thinking more about how to create better relationships with people and less about trying to convince someone to make us number one in their own lives then we would all be a lot happier. The point of this article is quite simple, creating value in yourself will carry over in how others treat you, if your okay with being second best...be prepared to be nothing more. |
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