I apologize in advance if I stir the pot too much or piss anyone off with this one. No one in this life is going to appreciate being your best second option, and if they are there is something genuinely wrong with them. The reality in this life may suck at times, life may consistently screw you over. If you devalue yourself or others in your life then the fact is be prepared for the worst case scenario moving forward. Why would second best ever be good enough? Quite simply it wouldn't and the notion that anyone is okay existing in that slim grey area is ridiculous not only in principle but in execution as well. Here's the biggest reason why. While they temporarily may think they are okay with that option, the fact is they will deeply and sometimes secretly want to be considerably more then that. Oh and there will be a million bullshit reasons why you will convince yourself or they will try to convince themselves on why the current situation is okay. Lucky for you I've provided a breakdown of each one that I know of. 1. I'm not ready for a relationship. This is normally the person that has either bounced from relationship to relationship, or they just got out of a long-term relationship. Let me assure you this excuse is fundamentally flawed and here's why. Being friends is a relationship, having sex with someone you plan on talking to again is a relationship, being friends with benefits is a relationship. So guess what you/they are in a goddamn relationship, just because the label of boyfriend/girlfriend isn't accepted doesn't mean a relationship doesn't exist. I understand the need for companionship but ultimately the determination of being okay with not being in the forefront of the other person's mind is nothing more then simply being used. 2. I just want to have fun. Slut. Slag. Whore. I got news for you gentlemen, these words apply to you as well. Everyone wants to have fun, but there is something truly and emotionally wrong with you if your idea of fun is being in second place. It's an integral part of our make-up, we desire to be the best. Anyone that doesn't want to be the best at whatever they are doing...is doing it wrong, or without any care or motivation. I just want to have fun too, but I value myself enough to know that decisions made now because of "fun" will ultimately end in me regretting them at some point further down the road. As I mentioned before mistakes are okay if you learn from them, but regrets will haunt you forever. 3. He/she says they love/care about me. Hey guess what? I love you. Does that really make you feel like I would drop everything for you? Do you think I would blow off my responsibilities, my kids, my work for you? No? Well you're right, I wouldn't. What people say and what people do are two different things, the faster you learn that the less likely you are to have your emotions become secondary to your tendency to be used by another human being. 4. He/she says they are leaving their husband/wife soon. This is one of my favorite excuses ever, if they ever truly intended to leave the other person...THEY WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY! Secondary only in nature not in principle is this, think about the type of human being you are working with here. They are so willing to completely disregard another person's feelings...not just any person either. This is their spouse we are talking about, someone they promised to be faithful and true to, for the rest of their lives. They are so inconsiderate of that person's feelings, what makes you think they won't do the same thing to you? 5. We have a lot of fun together. Great, if that's the only reason your hanging out with someone then stop having sex with them and see if the "fun" continues. In most cases it won't. Also how many other people are they having "fun" with? If we're being honest, men and women alike, this is fairly typical of this kind of unspoken agreement. Additionally how would they feel if you were having "fun" with other people? If they don't like that idea then it's time to reevaluate your non-relationship-relationship. 6. We're just friends. Friends don't fuck! Point blank! Guys, you are a total liar if you sit there and can tell yourself or another guy that you and her are just friends. In most cases you've thought about the idea of hooking-up or dating. Not all guys do this, I have a tone of female friends that I would never make a move on, I value other things they bring into my life; perspective, advice and support. All in all if we started thinking more about how to create better relationships with people and less about trying to convince someone to make us number one in their own lives then we would all be a lot happier. The point of this article is quite simple, creating value in yourself will carry over in how others treat you, if your okay with being second best...be prepared to be nothing more. Leave a Reply. |
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