Okay, so here goes... Too often in society we witness the eminent downfall of people who have yet had the opportunity in their life to live. We witness these downfalls on an almost daily basis with little to no regard for the human life we are ignoring. The homeless man on the corner, the beggars in the streets, the children exposed to things that are ridiculous. This whole article was triggered by events that took place in my own neighborhood last night. I witnessed something deplorable, something truly despicable an event that honestly rocked me to my core. It drove me to the point of anger and rage, it heightened my overall awareness to the acceptance of stagnant living. We question our society and our culture and demand assistance with our children, our careers, and our lives. The basic reality that I have witnessed...it's our own fault. We blame our government, private corporations, our upbringings; but the sad truth is that we are responsible for our own destinies. Acceptance of our own lives, the directions that they are moving in and where we are going are the things we must learn to not only assume control over but also embrace the ability to move in a more positive direction. So anyway...what did I see? Right? One of my neighbors is a fifteen year old boy who lives with his father, they actually live in a home with three other individuals...I use the word home lightly. Essentially its a two bedroom home that houses one adult woman and three adult men as well as a fifteen year old boy. Anyway I consistently try to tell the boy about moving on from this place, about having goals and hopes and dreams. My girlfriend and I speak to him regularly about his grades, sports, friends, work and responsibility as we grow older. All in all he is a decent kid, however his family life dynamic sucks. His dad is a good hard working guy, from what I can tell. He works hard and long hours and I agree with the fact he is entitled to a little down time. However on this night, I was disappointed not only in him as a man and a father but as a human being as well. We live in a colorful part of town, and that is in no way a reference to the race of the people who live here, but rather to the kinds of people who live here. Prostitutes, Drug dealers and addicts, blue collar workers and even people like myself and my girlfriend litter this community. It is truly a melting pot of all races, religions, economic standing, and family values. Here's the thing, when it gets dark the neighborhood changes a bit. We're exposed to hookers, drug dealers, and addicts roaming the streets at night with the expectations of catching their next fix or making a quick dollar. On this particular night their presence truly bothered me. My neighbor was outside at 10 PM, with one of his visiting family members, and a close friend. They were celebrating someone's birthday; they were up late and drinking. This is not what I had a problem with, what actually bothered me is that he allowed his fifteen year old son to hang out with three 30/40 somethings while they were out drinking on a school night for him. The trigger point came when the group was approached by a hooker, who...offered her services to the group. I hoped and prayed he would do the the right thing, but he did not. He accepted her proposition, he's a grown man and his decision is his decision, however the unfathomable part of all this is he allowed his fifteen year old son to be present and...yes, watch the events take place. It truly angers me that I witnessed something this vile and disgusting, it also bothers me that I will have to listen to backlash in regards to this article. Comments like "the government does hold people back!" and "it's not my fault." spouted from mouths of the irresponsible and utterly useless. How you expect your children to take responsibility for their own actions, how as a society can we be so willing to accept what is occurring as a normal event. Why are more people not outraged? Why do some simply watch these things occur without any comment or interjection? As a society we are so willing to condemn those in power for their actions when the fault truly lies within us. Life isn't about what others do for you, it what you can do for others. I try to instill the values of responsibility, respect, honor and integrity into my children...why do I feel like I am the only one? How is it feasibly possible for us to try and raise our children with the values of previous generations, when we refuse to take responsibility of our present situations by justifying our poor decision making ability and overall shirking of our own decisions and their repercussions. I've said it before and I will repeat myself until I go blue in the face, if it's important to you, then you will find a way. If it's not then you will find an excuse. My children will learn the value of life, the value of respect and responsibility; these are the building blocks of a fully functional and responsible adult. There will never be any hope of a better day when complacency and acceptance of the current life decisions are simply considered the "norm." I want to take a moment and be serious; this blog is vital to any and every one. I hope you can take from it what it truly has to offer to you. So often in life we feel the need to change ourselves, especially in relationships. We have come to this notion that being ourselves is no longer enough, we've devalued ourselves to the point where life no longer becomes enjoyable. Let me start by saying this...you are who you are, so why if someone else doesn't like something about you should you be pressured to change and fit the mold of what they envisioned you to be. The point is simply this, love yourself. Love yourself not despite, but in spite of all your flaws. Every scratch, every scar tells a story about you. These things show you where you've been, what you've been through, and how you made it through. I've talked about loving you before but not really gotten through any lengths to explain exactly what that means. No matter how flawed, whether physically, mentally or emotionally you may be your design in essence is absolutely perfect. You are who you are supposed to be in the exact moment, right here and now you shouldn't be anyone else. Your life is about your pursuit of happiness, and not about anyone else. Sure we are all forced to make sacrifices from time to time and in more cases than not we have to make decisions we would rather not make. Eventually we get to return to whom we are though, and not loving all of you is a tragedy in the making. Again I hate the term YOLO, but it's true and it's real. Do you think you would really enjoy a life where you don't love yourself? Better yet, if the eight year old version of yourself was standing in front of you right now, what would they say to you? This is no easy task at all; loving you, all of yourself is more difficult than giving that love to another human being. It's easier to hide behind you relationships with others, spouses, children, even pets. It's easier because you can consume yourself with the ignorance that you know to be true, by investing your emotions into another you are able to ignore the truth about how you feel internally. All of me includes forgiving yourself as well. We all have things we are ashamed of, things we have said or done that we regret. The ability to forgive yourself of your past transgressions will allow your heart to become lighter, no longer laden with guilt you will find it easier to accept the love of others as well. Keep in mind I am talking about forgiving, not forgetting. I know that sounds incredibly cliché, but in my opinion the biggest difference is this. Forgiving means you are able to remember what happened but to no longer allow it to overwhelm you or alter your emotions or your mood. Forgetting is simply turning a blind eye to the events or transgressions, pretending they never happened and living as though they aren't affecting you. This is truly cancerous to the emotional and mental psyche of you, it's more harmful then you can imagine because ignorance will only allow it to subconsciously eat away at you until you become aggravated by simpler things. Learning to love all of you is a process, it won't happen overnight. It's time consuming, and life altering. All of you...although a simple phrase has a lot of hidden meaning to it, whether you've committed a crime or wronged a loved one. It doesn't matter. Even if you know that person will never forgive you, this is no longer for them. Citing my own personal experiences one of the hardest things I have ever done is to forgive my father. When I was a young boy my father was anything but a good father, he drank and did drugs; he came from a broken home and was angry all of the time. I only knew him for eight short years but in that time he went out of his way to consistently torture, harass, terrify and disappoint me. When I was eight years old my father took his own life, all the events leading to that day had lined up perfectly like dominoes. It was only a matter of time they all fell over. I spent a lot of my time being angry at him, blaming my own short comings and flaws on him and his absence in my life. It took a long time before I learned my hatred and disappoint at him were affecting my own life and decisions and preventing me from truly being happy. Learning to forgive and ultimately to love him as part of my life was one of the most emotionally daunting things I have ever faced, but I'm aware of how much more care free my life is because of it. My life personally has been anything but a fairy tale, we are taught at such a young age that we should expect our own lives to have a happy ending. By now we are all aware that is not true and frankly is never going to happen, life isn't about happy endings, or perfect scenarios. Life is about simply finding reasons to smile through the pain, laugh through the tears and finding the joy in the small things we have. The opportunities we are afforded are truly endless, every single day of your life you have a chance to not only find a moment of happiness, but to relish in the ability to enjoy even the smallest of personal victories. All of me; the sarcasm, the bad decisions, the mistakes, the regrets, the attitude, the life choices, the sick humor...all of those things that could be misconstrued in a negative light. Those are the things that make up all of me, and I love myself for all of them. English is my first and frankly my only language, now I'm not a guy that looks down upon or has a problem with people who don't have English as their native language. However what does bother me? The people who have spoken English their entire lives, and honestly are awful at it. This brings up a much larger issue entirely, what happened to us? Where did we go so wrong so quickly? Not that I was alive in the 1950's but it seemed like a better time entirely, we dressed more respectfully. We spoke more respectfully and frankly we lived more respectfully. I was assisted at a grocery store yesterday by a man with his pants so far down his ass he had to waddle in order to move. I'm sorry but when did style outweigh common sense? When did we stop caring about not necessarily what other people thought about us but what was right and wrong? When did it become socially acceptable for our asses to be hanging out of our pants? When did it become easier to change the order of words in a sentence? Our ignorance towards a complete and total disregard for our society and values is truly bothersome. After pondering this, I realized the sad truth we may never return to our former greatness. Like an old dog our best years are behind us, and every year seems to become harder and harder to bear. Out at a restaurant fairly recently, I watched a woman bend over and look into a cake display window and repeat the following. "Gurrrl, is dese cakes for reals?" I laughed, because at the time I found it hilarious, but then the next day I heard another woman at a retail store say "I forgots, dis be yours or mines?" Although still funny, it began to occur to me. These people are actually making it more difficult on themselves for example; Gurrrl, is dese cakes for reals? Girl are these cakes real? There are actually fewer words in the proper English version. I forgots, dis be yours or mines? I forget is this mine or yours? The same amount of words but still The point is pretty simple, when did it become socially acceptable to sound like a complete and utter fucking moron? What the hell are they teaching these people in school? It feels like we just gave up, like it no longer matters anymore. Why would we make life more difficult for ourselves? Finally, I refuse to believe that under any circumstances that people are truly that content with their own ignorance. Sure I like my clothes a little baggy as well, but I still want them to fit. Sure I catch myself using slang. I respect myself enough on a routine basis that I cannot allow myself to become immersed in a culture that has less respect for everyone, themselves included. It's one thing to do or act a certain way when we're younger in high school, we're trying to fit in and make friends. To allow the stigma and lifestyle from your young and immature teenage years to influence and ultimately determine your adulthood is the true sign that ignorance has defeated common sense and self respect. I love our country and truly believe it to be one of the best in the world but honestly I can see how other countries may view us based on our image. Ignorance has overwhelmed us in even more ways, people taking stands on things they know nothing about, getting upset over silly things. I was having an argument with a friend of a friend about a football player, and because he got upset at my opinion told me "Ima slap da shit out dis bitch!" I should state that during the whole argument he was speaking plain and clear legitimate English, but the second he got upset he became another person entirely. Like he believed if he spoke slang to me I would somehow become more afraid. Ignorance comes in a variety of ways and one would assume with the advances in technology and the wide access we have to information people would become more intelligent, not more ignorant. Whether you want to hear this or not ignorance is no longer bliss, not even to the ignorant. Quite simply we have to make a motivated effort to become better than what we want to be, drive and determination are the only things that can bring us back to a time where it was alright to trust your neighbors, it was safe to let your kids out of the house, and truly understand the words that are coming out of my mouth. |
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