When I was only 16 years old I used to think about the life I wanted; to live in some remote destination, waking up on the beach everyday, being self sufficient. As I grew older I still believed that I was intended to have a life that was all about me. As I wrote in my book "Real Men Laugh", there came a moment in my life where I was more ashamed of my thoughts then I ever thought I would be. It was when I found out about my fist child being born. That feeling was a combination of resentment, anger and hopelessness. I'm not a selfish man by any means but the fact of the matter is that when I had all these plans for myself in the future, none of them involved children. Think what you want about me, trust me I've already though worse. I love my children, more than anything else in this world... I wouldn't trade them for the life I thought I would have.... Occasionally my mind will wander though and I will find myself on that lonely beach, daydreaming about hot sand, cool breezes and blue water. I daydream through the temper tantrums, epic blow-ups and catastrophic melt downs...sometimes as a parent that's all we get...daydreams. My kids are my life, everything I do revolves around them and their happiness. The fact is no matter how hard we try, very few of is have the life's we thought we would, either we had children early then expected, met the person worth changing our plans for or just made bad decisions. We have the lives that we deserve, the lives we have earned. My life is great, sure I wished I had more money, more time, more fun... but I would still want this life and everything it comes with. I have the drive to attempt to solidify myself as a writer, I have a support system that rivals any other, and the undying love of two boys who see me as their daily hero. So I traded hot sand for dirty diapers, cool breezes for hugs, and blue water for "I love you." It could definitely be a lot worse, I am no the man I was five or even ten years ago. In fact when I look to find that person inside of me I realize he is all but gone. The opinionated, obnoxious part of me still exists, but I have learned to twist those opinions and ideas regardless of their inappropriateness, to make them into something funny.The point to all this is quite simple, you may never have want you want, but if you learn to love what you have, then you will never want again. The life I thought I wanted, is something I now realize was simply the daydreaming of an immature boy... but it's something nice to daydream about now. Leave a Reply. |
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