Being a parent is the single most influential job you will ever have. That is the truest statement I have made today. Nothing offends me greater than someone comparing having a dog or cat to having a child, here's why... Having a pet takes work and responsibility, don't get me wrong, but no one in their right mind is going to change their lives around for a pet. Having a child literally changes your life. Being responsible for another human life is the ultimate in any and all responsibilities, I mean this person depends on you to do everything for them; feed them, change them, put them to sleep, love them. Having a pet can at times be difficult, but you can lock a pet in another room when they are aggravating you, can't do that with a child. Most of us are of sane enough mind to know that there is an epic difference in caring for a child versus a pet, however let me give you the best explanation. A pet typically will love you unconditionally as his provider, whereas your job as a provider for your children is to love them unconditionally. Being a parent to a child changes not only your life but your mindset, sanity kind of goes out of the window. You begin to worry about things that don't even make sense. I personally have had a re-occurring daytime nightmare about something irrational, like the end of the world, and I am too far from my kids to get to them in time to save them...see what I mean. A parent can lose their shit entirely based on a single repetitive word or even sound. My youngest son says "thank you" all the time, he has no idea what it means when he says it. Either he wants something or he is trying to get my attention or he wants picked up or...well the list goes on and on. I can actually feel myself getting ready to snap when I hear him in the back seat repeating "thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you". My neck tightens in the back, my head begins aching and I desperately wish that in that moment I was completely deaf. Instead, I turn around, smile and say "what buddy". That's a parent for you, being able to have an insurmountable amount of pressure agitating you and being able to smile and reason your way through it. So the biggest difference between having a pet and being a parent is...please dear god if you value anything you own or that is attached to your persons never make the comparison again... When was the last time you did something for your kids that you didn't want to do? Everyday? Once a week? As parents we make an endless amount of sacrifices for our children, we lose sleep, we work overtime for Christmas and birthday presents, we put our own social life on the back burner for them. Most of this they will never know about until they are much older, but occasionally something will trigger one of the best feelings in the world inside your heart. My oldest son pictured here in the blue shirt, he does a lot, and I rely on him a lot more than I probably should in some cases. He babysits while I write or do homework, he does chores and in most cases doesn't complain too much about them either. So I try to find small ways to reward him, we have family game night, or play video games together. We have traditions that started after the divorce was finalized and I love these traditions. Our bi-weekly hikes where we wake up a little later than usual on a Saturday or Sunday morning and go to the local state park. We walk the park a total of about three and half miles, I lie to him and tell him it's only one mile every time. I think he knows I'm lying but just goes along with it, because we spend that time talking, we talk about everything and nothing all at once while we wander around the park taking it all in together. The baby in the stroller, a bag of trail mix on hand plus drinks...I'm fully prepared for whatever whining may occur and ready to shut it down before it even starts. My oldest son tells me the most random things on this hike. He talks and talks; about his friends, school, his favorite foods (which change every week), his favorite video games. He asks me questions sometimes more profound than what I expect, he asks me about finding a new wife, or at least a girlfriend. The point is that we have that moment together and our children crave our attention on an almost necessary level, they need that reinforcement that you are there, that you care, and that you still love them. Another tradition we have is a just the two of us activity, every Tuesday night at 4pm we go to a fast food chicken chain, that offers a family night. We originally started going after I bumped into a friend from elementary school, and her and her husband invited us along. These friends have three children of their own and their oldest and mine get along very well. So even though this is an activity for us to do together, I more do it for him. There is always a theme at these things and tonight was no different, reptile night! A couple of guys brought some snakes and turtles and lizards in for the kids to see, touch and hold. Let me just state for the record...I am terrified of snakes, I wish I knew why, but no scary story, no haunting memory, they just give me the creeps. My son and his friend talk and I listen, they talk about girls, and teachers, video games and sports, I know this means a lot to him and I'm happy to do it because I realized it doesn't matter how successful I am in anything else. I want my son to look back on his childhood when he's older and say..."My dad was a great guy". I want to be there for him when he's hurt physically or emotionally and I want him to trust being able to come to me with whatever issue he is facing. The moment I am really talking about though happened before Christmas day, and it only occurred to me today because my son brought it up earlier tonight. It was December 14, 2013 it had snowed earlier in the week and I told my son I wanted to take him somewhere special. Every year there is a small street in Baltimore city that over does it with the decorations, if you live here you know what I am talking about. It's quite the spectacle. So I figured we would make a night of it, stop at the convenience store bought some junk food and drinks and off we went. I drove up and down the street twice letting my son's face reflect onto the lights and I remember thinking about how magical this must have been for him. When we were done he wasn't quite ready to go home yet so we made another stop, I showed him the office building I worked in and we drove through the downtown inner harbor. We talked and laughed, we looked at buildings I had seen hundreds of times but it was all new to him, when the night was over we went home. He was asleep before we even pulled into our neighborhood, I carried him into the house and put him in bed than went to sleep myself. The reason I bring it up tonight, is because today my son looked up at me, cocked his head to the side and asked me if I remembered that night. I told him that I did, to which he responded, "that was the most fun night ever". We didn't really do anything special in my eyes, I didn't buy him some big expensive gift. He had the most fun night of his young life just spending time with me and essentially doing nothing. Our children value our time more than we could ever begin to imagine, it's amazing we place so much happiness in our possessions, career, house, car, clothes or vacations. When our children are the ones who truly understand what a real gift is, the gift of our time, love and attention will ring for eternity in their minds. There is no doubt in my mind now that years from now when he is telling stories to his own children, that night will come up...that makes everything worth it. OMG, LOL, TTYL...WTF Okay seriously we need to address this issue right here, right now. I swear on everything that is sacred, holy and valuable in my life, if I see one more parent ignoring their child's very existence in order to post a "selfie", respond to a text or create a status update...I'm seriously going to give up on humanity. Now before I go any further I am just as guilty of this as the next everyday, law abiding citizen. So I am not judging anyone just making a broad statement that even I am going to try and start following... Today on two separate occasions I literally witnessed two near death experiences because of a stupid cell phone, I know, I know. "Rob cell phones don't kill people, people kill people". Hey we get it so here it is. This morning on my way to drop my youngest son off at daycare I watched a women make a right turn, pull out of traffic directly in front of me, and go right into oncoming traffic before she quickly swerved to recover. She put an oncoming car in harm's way, which I it drove past me I looked over and saw at least three people in the vehicle. She put myself and my youngest son in harm's way as well, so the potential body count is at 5 now for anyone who is counting. At a red light I caught up to her and pulled next to her, as I glance over still trying to recover from the mild stroke she just gave me I witnessed her playing with her cell phone. I then proceeded to look in her back seat, where I saw two little girls bouncing around like hamsters on a sugar high. So we are now at 8, eight potential dead people because you had to respond to Emily's fucking selfie or whatever. Okay so that is one near death experience. The second one didn't happen that much later on, after going to the store to pick a few things up I was walking through the parking lot when I noticed a teenager walking in the row next to me. I noticed him mainly because my first thought was "shouldn't he be in school". He had his headphones in and was playing with his phone. At this point shockingly because we were in a parking lot, you know...where people park...er, um...THEIR CARS! Anyway a vehicle was driving towards the self absorbed teen and tried to whip into an empty spot like it was the last one left. By the way today was Tuesday and this is around 10 am...so in other words...plenty of empty spaces. By whipping into the lot this vehicle barely missed turning this kid into a speed bump, of course the kid got upset started yelling. Two women than proceed to exit the vehicle and both of them are either talking on or playing on their phones, and the best part...the driver begins yelling at the kid that HE should pay attention. Sorry lady but in the realm of attention paying I think the 120lb kid is not required to look out for your 2,000 pound machine! So that was the second near death experience, so basically this morning I watched eleven people, or the equivalent of an NFL team starting offense roster almost lose their lives because their cell phones were the most important thing in the world. Here's the thing, I know how entertaining it is. Trust me I have heard plenty of comments about removing my face from the phone screen. Our overall lack of attention paid while on them is the thing that gets me...I guess this is why having one in your hand while driving is illegal. Bigger picture...what are you missing in your life on a daily basis because your stuck glued to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any of these other sites? When is the last time you saw a sunset and not taken a picture of it to share? When is the last time you actually talked to your friends and not just emailed or instant messaged them? I posted a video on the homepage today that I found quite powerful...I hope when you get done reading this you go check it out. We are missing our lives guys! We are so infatuated with this idea of social media that we in turn have become anti-social. It amazes me when I get a friend request on Facebook and than message the person and their response is almost like I just offered them their choice of STDs. If you didn't want to talk to me than why are we now friends? Why would you be interested in my life when the idea of a conversation to you is such a foreign thing that it makes you shrivel your face and turn up your nose? The reality, put your FUCKING PHONE DOWN! I using this language to get through to you, because the only thing better then vulgarity is sexually explicit...but I don't think you'd get where I was coming from if I inserted a scene from a pornography, and lets be honest, as men once we started seeing that I would lose you attention and you would have to clear you search history at some point. Anyway...so, yes put down the phone, just put it down and walk away. You are aware that life doesn't pause when you look away from it right? Your kids are still growing...and I guarantee you that most of that stuff...it will still be there later. We wonder why we feel so alone sometimes and it is because our relationships with our devices is more prevalent than our relationships with people. Remember being a kid and being forced to spend time outside, or using your...imagination...you know that thing you tap into now when you try to come up with a not true story of where you were, what you were doing,...who you were doing it with? Here's the thing, if you cannot do any of these things then how can you expect your kid to go play by themselves without a phone of their own, it's our duty as fathers to show our children how to live, if we do it buried behind electronic devices, than so will they. |
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