Good Morning readers, it's Saturday. for some of us this whole day can be tough, Single dad's who don't have visitation this weekend, divorced husbands who used to spend the days with their wives and children. Keep one thing in mind, regardless of how trying this alone time can be, you're never as alone as you think you are. The first few months of my own separation were tough, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to do with myself. I've never been the guy who likes to party or surround myself with other people, but sometimes the one thing you don't want to do is the one thing you need to do. As human beings we have an internal need to connect to others, its almost as much a requirement as food, water or shelter. So by ignoring this very basic need you are essentially setting yourself up for failure. Go out, it doesn't matter what you do, go fishing, go to a game...hell even just go to a friends house. The reason this time is so important is because you need to figure out exactly what it is that you want. You have the opportunity right now in this moment to be selfish, by not taking advantage of it you are denying yourself access to your true self. Sure that's a little deeper than we were hoping to go on a day like this, but it's necessary. If I don't kick your ass who will? I struggled with this I am not going to lie about it at all, it wasn't easy for me at all. There were times I ignored my phone ringing, pretended I was too busy to talk. I realized all this truly did was cut me off even more from the people who genuinely cared about me, not everyone realizes what it is that your going through, work, kids, divorce, separation, plus the normal things, bills, responsibilities, school, doctor's appointments...The list goes on and on. Here is a piece of shocking information, well not really, YOU NEED A BREAK! Hell, even at work you get government mandated breaks. Take advantage of the time you have. With this though you need to try and avoid the common pitfalls, drugs, alcohol, women...These are not the things you honestly need, you will hear me say this time and time again, temporary solutions to permanent problems...you can't put a band-aid on a broken bone and expect it to get better on its own. We talk about advice and I'm sure you are getting it from every which way, take it for what it's worth, and factor in "does this person know what I am truly going through?" More often than not the answer will be no, they don't know exactly what your going through because every situation is different from the next. When I first was separated I went out and tried dating and partying, it was an epic mistake on my part because I was not ready for either of those things. There is no time limit on a broken heart, whether it's broken from your ex-wife or lack of contact from your children. The only true remedy is time, acceptance and grieving. So I found activities that let me clear my mind, I went fishing, I went walking through a park, I just sat at a friend's house watching TV. You don't have to talk to someone to get counseling, sometimes just getting away from the problem for a short time is enough to give you the opportunity to re-evaluate what it actually is. You need to find yourself in all of this mess, you're no longer a "we" you are now an "I". Ask yourself; What do I want to do? What do I like? What do I want?. Than go out and find the answers to these questions... There is a reason this is so important, you more than likely poured yourself into your relationships, with your ex, with your kids... Now those things aren't there in the same way they were before, so if you are waiting for things to just "figure themselves out" you will be waiting for a long time. One of the best pieces of advice is to find a hobby, something you can now redirect the flow of time investment. Learn an instrument, take a class, join a group of people who are already doing things you're interested in. Push yourself to be a better you...not that there is anything wrong with you, but we all have room for improvement. I can promise you that it will make you happier, maybe not at first, but keep at it and the next thing you know the days alone will go by faster, time will speed up and the moments where you are no longer alone will mean so much more to you. Leave a Reply. |
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