With Memorial Day fast approaching, and my kids out of town with their mother this weekend, I felt as though a night out last night was imperative. So I was "informed" by a friend that I would be joining her, and her friend, and their boyfriends' for dinner. Knowing full well I was going into a fairly awkward situation, I decided I was going to make the most of it. So I showered, shaved, got dressed and went out, dinner began just as I assumed it would, fairly awkwardly. My outgoing attitude and quick wit basically saved the day...okay not really. So I knew it was going to happen well before it actually did, it was inevitable that someone would ask me the question..."Why are you still single?" Most rush to judgment, assuming I'm not ready, or that I can't find someone. The reality? I'm good. We place so much emphasis on relationships in today's world; it’s incredibly rare to come across someone who has chosen to remain single. I choose to remain single for a variety of reasons; number one I have a trust issue with women in relationships. Until I am able to overcome that I don't legitimately think it is fair to project my own insecurity from past relationships onto another woman who has had nothing to do with it. Number 2, honestly this may sound like a cop-out, or an excuse; I'm just too busy. Between my writing, advocacy work, my kids and their activities, work and school on top of regular stresses like bills, and doctor appointments...I just seriously don't have the time to fairly invest into a real relationship, and I know myself well enough to figure out that if I did get involved...I would probably let everything else go. That's a sacrifice I'm not willing to make. Number 3, dating takes work, it takes effort. Not that either one of those things scare me, but after the shock to the system of my divorce, I'm not really sure I am truly willing to invest either of those two things into something I am not positive will lead to anything other than more heartbreak. Sure dating would be fun; you meet someone new, you spend time getting to know them, you find out what you both have in common. Oh yeah, and sex...who doesn't like sex? Here's the thing though I genuinely believe that you should never attempt to enter a relationship until you at least have a good grasp on what your own issues are and how to overcome them. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you...yeah I tried dating in fact I dated two different women, but I moved too quickly because I was not complete on my own. So in turn I relied on those women to fill a void, a completely unrealistic expectation on my part that ended up coming back to bite me in the ass later on. I fell in "puppy dog" love way too fast on both occasions and when it ended I was left feeling worse than I was when I began in the first place. I wasn't ready, and it took that heartbreak for me to realize it. So I'm okay with being single for now, I know it isn't long term. That may change today; the point is I'm not really looking for a relationship because I have other priorities that are more pressing right now. In some small way maybe I'm not ready, but I've been told time and time again that once you stop caring about trying to find a good relationship...that's when you do. So for now I am going to keep doing what I am doing, wake up, write, take care of my kids, try to enjoy this moment in my life of a new beginning. I describe it perfectly like this; before I got married or had kids, some of the happiest moments in my life were when I was single, as a child, teenager and beyond that into my adulthood. We are not intended to live alone forever; a basic human need is love and companionship. However, we make our worst decisions at our most desperate moments, and decisions made out of desperation...were never that good in the first place. Leave a Reply. |
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